Stonewash Feet Fagault is my favorite gospel band and has been for at least 14 years. They have 44 Mir Albums and their last album “Jesus Built My Hyundai” went double Mir in just 36 hours. The band is just fantastic. Vocals, guitar and drums. And they’ve done it the same way for over 2 decades. The dreadlocked lead singer Greta Grables wears stonewashed jeans cut off at the knees, similar to capri pants but way more metal, to reveal black fishnets. She sings similar to Christina Aguilera with an explosive diarrhea problem. Alternating between smooth and gassy! So very classy!
The guitar and banjo player Herbie Hendrix rocks a Stonewashed jeans jacket. His licks are so freaking legendary its insane. His boogie-woogie style is absolutely second to none. Except maybe Conan O’ Brien’s. Hebert also recently overcame a crippling addiction to industrial solvents brought on by the tragic murder suicide of his puggle Whoopie Barkberg who savagely tore apart his Himalayan cat Captain Fluffinstein and then ran into traffic on the 401. The ballad “Himalayan Meeooouch” was indeed inspired by this tragic and harrowing incident.
The drummer is best known for his zany line of K-Mart Brand glassware. Lupe Divales. If you need a man to keep time or run a 3rd world sweatshop to make glassware for K-Mart, Lupe’s the man. Its like he’s got a metronome instead of a brain. You can always tell when Lupe’s gonna rock cuz he’ll bring his unique Stonewashed jeans covered drum set into town. The fabric on the drum shells creates a perfect dampening so his beats are delivered more crisply than other drummers’.
Stonewash Feet Fagault isn’t all Stonewashed jeans and hype though. They have sold out arenas all over Eastern Europe, full of metal head, God fearing zealots- the only kind of people I run with. But this summer they are coming to America for the very first time. Dates have been booked in Memphis, Little Rock, Jackson, Montgomery, Amarillo, East Dillon and Newark. Greta, Herbert and Lupe got their work visas and have rented a 2009 Honda Odyssey. But they are still looking for affordable housing or places to crash in each locale. That’s where you come in!
If you live in one of the above-listed cities and you have a washing machine that can accommodate Stonewashed jeans and other band accoutrements, then contact Stonewash Feet Fagault at +34 090 8432 8989. They won’t drink all the beer in you fridge. They’re a Gospel band. You might consider not having any industrial solvents around though.
In exchange for lodging and care of their Stonewashed jeans SFF promises you a copy their three song EP “The Lord Loves Us More Than Them.” This EP was previously only available in Latvia, but thanks to the band’s recent and wondrous discovery of bit torrents, SSF will burn you a copy if you can hook them up with a place to stay. They’ll even autograph it.
SFF loves Stonewashed jeans and so should you!
